i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize