Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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