she takes plan B like it's going out of style
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
