i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
