I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
