So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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