Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
