Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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