Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
