508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
