also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
