Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
