I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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