Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
