I seem to have left my pride at pride
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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