What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
