I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
