so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
