If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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