I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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