I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
