you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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