you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
