The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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