Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize