love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
