my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
