I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
