I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
