I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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