I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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