i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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