My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
