Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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