It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
