he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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