I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
