Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
