One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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