It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
