do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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