I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
