I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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