I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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