her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
