He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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