it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize