my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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