My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
