My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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