yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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