Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
