I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
its not stalking. its research.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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