Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
