Screwed.edu
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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