are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
