OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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