so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
