i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
