I just saw a hot homeless man
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
