tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
