I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
