i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
