you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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