I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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