It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize