peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
