you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
