well you can't waste a boner
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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