We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize