she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
