I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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