i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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