Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
