whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
